I’m very confused who the people are who even know who Tyler Perry is and why he is making movies. More importantly, who are the people who go and see his movies.
Some of his work:
- Madea’s Big Happy Family
-Diary of a Mad Black Woman
-Meet the Browns
-For Colored Girls
Sounds pretty fuckin racist to me. I’d like to make a few movies advocating some similar ideas. I mean, if we are all equal, black people shouldn’t have a problem if these were made, right?!?
-Everyone I Know Still Knows their Father
-Raise your Hand if you graduated High School
-Niggas Drown cuz’ they have Heavy Nigga Bones: A Documentary
When I consult urban dictionary for “nigger movies”. This is what I find:
Cast of nigger characters, no plot, poorly written, bad acting, that’s fun for the entire nigger family.
Any Tyler Perry movie, where he dresses up like that fat nigger lady, that can be considered one of those “nigger movies “.
I will only ever watch a Tyler Perry movie if it is titled:”Tyler Perry’s House of 1000 black corpses”.
Everyone knows the human mind and body is attracted to physical ratios in the opposite sex. This can, of course, be subjective for each person. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (or people just say that because they are ugly or beacuse they have feelings for someone who is!)
Subjective for each person. Except the gum to teeth (to lip, sometimes) ratio!!
This is a serious issue! Mainly with women (although Terrell Suggs illustrates the disease perfect). A lot of really pretty girls out there and when they open their mouths, it is 75% gums and 25% teeth. I refer to these teeth as “Dolphin Teeth”. It’s as serious of a cosmetic disease as a cleft lip. Probably worse. Yeah, definitely worse. I’d put it number 2 worst cosmetic disease after Siamese twins joined at the head.
Update**** There is still no cure for this awful, debilitating disease.
So, over the past few months, I’ve really changed my typical greeting from the likes of “how are ya?” and “what’s up?” to “you okay?”. The answers to the normal questions that nearly everyone practices after their hellos are all too similar and have really become very insubstantial, meaningless, and practiced. “Good, how are you?”. “Fine, thanks”. “Not much”. That shit ain’t real. “You okay?” is better for you. Yeppp.
Which makes me raise the question: With how many people are you actually “real” on a daily basis?
A few examples of times I will say “just fine, thanks” when things aren’t actually fine at all.
1. I walk out of the bathroom because someone else was shitting and I didn’t want to sit in silence next to someone I know and listen to their bowel movements. When I leave the bathroom and I pass someone in the hall and they ask me how’s it going, I want to push them into the wall and say “terrible. I’ve got to shit!”
2. When I approach the pharmacy counter; I hand the lady the condoms I am going to purchase. “Hi sir, how are you?”. “I’m buying condoms - obviously something’s wrong! Shhhhhhhhhhh”
I advocate weird/awkward - but mostly - REAL responses to these typical greetings. You okay?
“Ya know what I want to try sometime…?”
This is going to be an ongoing post about things that I have thought about doing and wanna try sometime for the sheer wonderment that the situation might bring.
-Tonight I saw a group of about 10 mexicans in the 7-11 across from my street. There was such a language barrier between them speaking spanish and the Muslim (I’m assuming) 7-11 counterlady that I thought there might be a robbery or a gun pulled. Seriously. But they also seemed friendly. While this was happening, I also remembered the time this Belizian I met had made me some fresh shrimp ceviche. It got my thinking. Anyways, all 10 of them bought an 18 pack of Modelo cans and met in the parking lot to rally up into the back of some guys truck. I wanted to take the M&M’s that I had just bought, while still being pretty stoned, and just ask those Mexicans, “mind if I hang out with y’all tonight?”
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Kevin:
alice is asleep next to me... got pornhub on quietly here
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me:
hahhahahha
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hahahhahahaha
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Kevin:
sometimes she stirs, and i just pet her head and say "shhhh....go back to sleep..."
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me:
hahahahahahaha
Take an accelerated freefall course for $1200, do 200 freefall skydives, take a BASE Jump course and then you qualify for a wingsuit first flight course. Until then, sit back in amazement.
Pathetic to some, hilarious to others, entertaining to everyone is really the only way to break down the antics of Charlie Sheen in the last week or so. It leads me to question whether he has got it all figured out and we are actually the crazy ones. It also makes me question why people with all this money aren’t even crazier than they are. I mean, if I was paid $1.8 mil for a few hours of my time to film a TV episode (Sheen), or $30 mil a year to play baseball for the Yankees (ARod), or generating billions of dollars from oil (every Saudi Sheik), I would be living way more ridiculous/crazy than Charlie Sheen and the rest of the rich world.
I’m talking ridiculous!!! You have to start spending that mountain of money. The ultra rich need to start being way more ridiculous with it.
One idea comes to mind when I think of something I might do on a regular basis if I were that rich:
You shouldn’t be using a fork and going after your own food on the plate (much less a knife, jesus - you are better than that - remind yourself often). Your bites should be pre-made and waiting for you on your fork based off of proper proportions that you want in each bite. This should be done for however hungry you are. You might need 100 forks. Who cares?!
Some people chose to be philanthropic with their money; others flagrant (it’s not anyone else’s place to say what they should be spending their money on). But the rich should get a move on it though - consumer spending is important after all - and they can help jump start it.
Some other things that should happen in a perfect world:
1. Angelina can stop stumbling around with all these little kids and just buy a country. Goddamn Angelina. Why stop at 7 kids? Go ahead and buy Namibia. Fuck it - buy the Congo. You need to have the world’s largest orphanage. Each child will pair up and have it’s own Panda Bear (yeah, they are nearly extinct but goddamnit, Angelina, fund their exponential comeback - 10,000 of them by 2015).
2. Tiger Woods might as well go ahead and make sure that only white women between the ages of 18 and 35 come watch him play golf. And he has his way with whichever ones he choose after each hole (no pun intended). This is an easy and reasonable request.
3. Charlie Sheen can buy a company. Let’s just say 7-11. Each few minutes he will change his mind about what he doesn’t want the company to sell during those few minutes. One minute he might choose coffee. Everyone who approaches the counter during those minutes would be greeted with the counter attendant grabbing their coffee and saying “nope” while throwing it in the garbage. Yeah, seriously.
Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.
Hello my little fishies!!
Today is the first day of my blog.
You’re really going to like it….stay tuned for more…
Winning,
Brandon
